fucalories

Tue, 27 Jun 2006 05:21:29 GMT

hey there-
stil sticking to catabolic or "negative calorie" foods. thereis so much variety, and apparently some foods are more effective (high grade) than others (low grade) I included a link: http://www.drkaslow.com/html/catabolic_foods.html

also taking lipo 6 and tonalin, i believe it is called. i have noticed a slight difference but i'm not up to the full dosage yet. lipo 6 has synephrine, which is supposedly the cousin of ephedrine as far as burning fat goes but is widely available everywhere - i bought it at vitamin shoppe.

been exercising around 800 cals a day, i'm saving up for my friend's birthday party at which there will be much alcohol.

I ordered the bracelet from that lady catrina in wisconsin - i'm psyched for it. i tried to buy this red bracelet at the mall but the ink from it started coming off on my arm, and that is never fun.

<3 ciao

motivation

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 16:09:23 GMT

whenever i start feeling a litte dangerous i think of beautiful, expensive, skinny jeans. i also say over and over, "i'm just a naturally skinny person. just a skinny kid. i have no interest in food." i also think of toned stomachs and really beautiful lingerie.

yesterday

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 16:07:40 GMT

i'm feeling kind of weak but i'm sure i'll snap out of it.

yesterday was a triumphant day. i realized- people who eat are no different than animals, fucking farm animals. "feed" is lined up in rows, and they eat this slop over and over, and even consider this to be entertainment. i realized yesterday how boring eating is. i mean, you sit at a table an you're supposed to eat this crap that a. lasts five seconds, and b. just makes you fat, depressed and miserable? no thank you. i feel like saying to them, how about we get up off our asses and do something fun, like dancing? also, when at a table one isn't truly involved in conversation, which I think is a shame. they are primarily involved in the slop. it is so important to connect with people and let them know you're really listening to them. i have much better days when i hardly eat. i feel alive.

-today i burned 500 calories. i plan to use it on a can of tuna with mustard,2 cups of coffee with soymilk, and two beers.

poetry

Thu, 15 Jun 2006 17:54:45 GMT

nine

like a true artist
i sculpt, i paint, i tirelessly labor
over my creation.
like a true artist
i am never finished
i just keep perfecting
in love but never quite satisfied
i want to show it to the world
i am Van Gogh
i am Starry Night
I am...

poetry

Thu, 15 Jun 2006 16:38:52 GMT

seven

in a cocoon
of my own making
i struggle
in time
fortified by nature's strength
i'll break free
spread my wings
and fly
never to return
to this place
of stagnation.

eight

food depresses me
conditioning
you see those on the street
gluttons
all obsessed with consumption
devoid of meaning
they wander
wondering what if
but die meaningless deaths
of the obese.
a painting
one sitting on the couch
watching two dimensional projections
inhaling filth personified
from a bag.
each bite you take is a handful of dirt
on your grave.
for you are alive but dead
alive but buried
buried in your own filth
that hangs off your bones
surrounds them
choking your soul
you sink deeper and deeper
into obscurity.
save yourself
everyone deserves a second chance
dont believe what they tell you
what they tell you.
purify
walk like a human should
and ask yourself
whether you resemble a human
or a pig?

poems

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 22:52:35 GMT

one

I fear
for my health.
never believed in
moderation-
all or nothing
at least i'm not a heroin addict
at least i dont smoke cigarettes
but i do hate myself.
a little self destruction
goes a long way.
get to 100
then we'll talk.

two

you know it's funny
i would have given my right arm for you
but you weren't such a friend
i hate to care
i didn't need a birthday gift
i didn't need a call
but i loved that you were there for me
until you let me fall.
you always did scare easily
although you seemed so strong
i guess you're just a colder heart
goodbye, my friend, so long.

three

looking at you
reminds me of the past
i was perfect
long ago
so perfect
even you would have loved me
even you.
when i see him i miss you
with his countless flaws
he is one gigantic flaw
but your only flaw
was that you couldn't
love me.

four

dont tell me what i cant do
this is my body, my life
your wife
runs eight miles
sounds familiar
do danger for you like there is danger for me
danger for me.
gain and i'm history
so much for being friendly
put down the cookie
it's a hop skip jump to obesity
i miss being pretty
oh the power
oh the sweet revenge
oh the sweetness
rum and det coke please
i need to forget
what i have become.

five

i want to walk
among the others
in perfect harmony
i miss them
i hate these dark walls
dark walls
surrounding me
the real me.
no one can see
no one cares to touch
with such a barrier
i need to break free
i need my moment
in the sun...

six

i try to face my
fears, but courage
has only brought me

misery

you dont die from rest
you die from gluttony

i'm already dead
starving gave me life